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Pepsi Super Bowl Ad Raises Worldwide Pepsi-Awareness .00000000001 Percent
SOMERS, NYA 60-second, $.6 million ad aired during the Super Bowl has raised global awareness of Pepsi .00000000001 percent, Pepsi officials said Monday. Specifically, the ad raised Pepsi-awareness in Tak Huun, 71, a Mongolian goatherder and one of five known humans not familiar with Pepsi. This $.6 million was money well spent. With it, Pepsi has finally achieved . percent global saturation and cracked the hard-to-reach Tak Huun market, Pepsicos Ken Doyle said. We now look forward to introducing Pepsi to Mala Ndougou of Gabon and babies born in comas. Chief Pepsi rival Coca-Cola will soon launch its own $11 million ad blitz targeting Huun.
New Pompous Asshole Magazine To Compete With Cigar Aficionado
NEW YORKUpscale consumers who enjoy cigars, wine, and all the finer things in life will have a new magazine to enjoy beginning next month, when Pompous Asshole hits newsstands. Targeting the coveted - to 60-year-old pompous-asshole demographic, the new monthly magazine is expected to compete directly with Cigar Aficionado for advertising dollars. Pompous Asshole is the magazine of the good life, said publisher Paul Westman. And, unlike Cigar Aficionado, we truly cover it all From tips on choosing the right humidor to advice on where to gamble in Monte Carlo to the lowdown on the new Jaguar XJ8, Pompous Asshole is the magazine no rich prick can afford to be without.
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Taco Bells Five Ingredients Combined In Totally New Way
LOUISVILLE, KYWith great fanfare Thursday, Taco Bell unveiled the Grandito, an exciting new permutation of refried beans, ground beef, cheddar cheese, lettuce, and a corn tortilla. Youve never tasted Taco Bells five ingredients combined quite like this, Taco Bell CEO Walt Berenyi said. The revolutionary new Grandito, with its ground beef on top of the cheese but under the beans, is configured unlike anything youve ever eaten at Taco Bell. The fast-food chain made waves earlier this year with its introduction of the Zestito, in which the beans are on top of the lettuce, and the Mexiwrap, in which the tortilla is slightly more oblong.
Near-Death Experience Followed By Right-On-The-Money Death Experience
PORTLAND, ORA near-death experience was followed by one of the right-on-the-money variety Sunday, when local mechanic Gabe Hoover narrowly averted fatally choking on a chicken bone, only to be run over by a city bus later the same day. As I began to lose consciousness from the lack of oxygen, I saw a bright, welcoming light, and I heard a voice calling out to me that sounded like my deceased mother, said Hoover, describing his near-death experience an hour before being struck dead. I felt incredibly at peace, but then, suddenly, another voice told me to go back, saying I wasnt finished with my work on Earth. Hoover continued his work on Earth for another 64 minutes, at which point he hit the death nail right on the head, walking swiftly and directly into the light.
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