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Why are there arguments between couples? When people are in love, why do they still have to argue? And who is responsible for it? The play "Who's afraid of Virginia Woolf" by Edward Albee (written in 1) and the extract "How to avoid arguments" from the book "Men are form Mars, women are from Venus" by John Gray (written in 16) both got discussions about this issue. Edward Albee is one of the most heralded, interesting and influential American dramatists of the twentieth century. His characteristics is that he likes challenging his audience to form an opinion on different social issues, like in this play, the inability to communicate, which gradually leads to arguments. Albee expresses his own opinion through the argument (in form of dialogues), in which clichd speech is frequently used, between the two main characters, Martha and George. Whereas John Gray is an internationally recognized expert in the fields of communication and relationships 1. He expresses his own view more formally and literally, with reasons and examples stated. Though the authors uses different type of text, they are still
1 John Gray is a Certified Family Therapist, Consulting Editor of the Family Journal, a member of the Distinguished Advisory Board of the International Association of Marriage and Family Counselors, and a member of the American Counseling Association.
expressing the same main theme, arguments between men and women. Moreover, through their texts, we can state that they both think that women are the ones who are responsible for the start of arguments.
"Who's afraid of Virginia Woolf" is about a married couple having an argument and emotionally tear each other to shreds one drunken night. What Albee is trying to bring out through the characters is that the reason for them to have arguments is because of the inability to communicate between them, which is the theme of the text. The way they communicate is through abrasiveness and violence. "You're so frigging… convoluted… that's what you are. You talk like you were writing one of your stupid papers." is what Martha said to George. Martha uses slang like "frigging" and she also uses "stupid" to describe the academic articles of George, who is a university professor, which are quite aggressive. Throughout the argument, It is clear that George, who is a symbol of men, is calmer than Martha, a symbol of women. "[quietly…distinctly] I think I'll have you committed" and "Will you go quietly, then?" are what George said to Martha. By creating an educated man who generally stays quite calm while his wife is arguing with him violently and non-sensibly, Albee creates a mood that it is women who is responsible for the start of the arguments. On the other hand, "How to avoid arguments" is also to express the theme of Gray's own view of arguments between men and women. The subtitle "how women unknowingly start arguments" obviously states out that Gray thinks women not being direct is the reason why arguments are bring started, which is similar to Albee's view. Apart from giving reasons and example (a man being late) to support his ideas, Gray also offers a practical guide for improving communication and assists men and women in understanding, respecting and appreciating their differences in Gray's words "men need approval", while women always unknowingly give men a sense of disapproval, maybe through "asking rhetorical questions", maybe because of "not being direct when they share their feelings".
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The two texts are also similar in the way of the usage of rhetorical questions. For "Who's afraid of Virginia Woolf", Albee uses questions like "Have you ever listened to the way you talk?" and "Will you go quietly, then?" which expects no answers to make the sense of dispute stronger, as challenges are made between the couple by the questions. For example by saying "Will you go quietly, then?", women may hear the meaning of "You're so noisy and annoying so could you shut up?". This worsen the situation and makes the arguments more serious. While the text "How to avoid arguments" also uses rhetorical questions, for example "How could you be so late?" in the example stated by Gray. This rhetorical question represent the questions women will ask which leads to a feeling of disapproval to men and starts arguments. Apart from questions in the example, "But why do they immediately become clod, distant, and defensive when they lose a woman's approval? Because not getting what they need hurts" is another one from the text. Gray makes use of this example to let the readers to think about the same questions, and then gives the answer to them right after that. This is a technique to convince audience, which can strengthen his arguments at the same time.
Apart from the similarities, there are also many differences between the two texts. One of the main differences is the use of pronouns. "Who's afraid of Virginia Woolf" is written as a first person which depends on the use of "I", while "How to avoid arguments" is written as a third person. Albee uses first person to create a closer feeling to readers, like they are involving in the incidence. Also, as a first person, Albee is only writing out the incidence, but not giving any judgment to that, though readers may sense some from the text. By not giving any judgment, he can leave for the audience to think by themselves. In contrast, Gray is as a third person in "How to avoid arguments". He writes the text as an outsider to give comments on the theme. His aim to write this text is to state out what he thinks about the theme, so there is no way he needs to hide his judgments and in this case leaving thinking space for the audience is not necessary. Therefore he states out clearly that he thinks "women not being direct unknowingly start arguments". Also he gives reasons and example to convince the readers. By using different pronouns, they are also different in the way that Albee is more objective while Gray is more subjective.
They also use different type of language to write the texts. "Who's afraid of Virginia Woolf" uses a more informal and conversational type of language while "How to avoid arguments" is more academic and formal. For example, Albee uses sentences like "You WHAT?", "Come off it, Martha." and "You're a spoiled, self-indulgent, willful, dirty-minded, liquour ridden…" in the text which is more colloquial. As what Albee is writing is a daily conversation in the play, so the use of this type of language is appropriate. He also includes the use of onomatopoeic (imaginative sounds) like "Snaps her fingers", and other expressions, like "breaks into long laughter" and "with some awe" to make his text (play) more descriptive. For "How to avoid arguments", Gray writes clauses like "The most common way women unknowingly start arguments is by not being direct when they share their feelings" and "A women withdrawing that approval is particularly painful to a man". These are all literally written, as he is writing a book, not a play, the use of formal language is important in order to bring out his messages effectively.
In conclusion, the two texts generally got the same theme, which are both about arguments between men and women, and cause of arguments are the inability to communicate in a right way between them. Also, they both give out the message that it is women who start arguments. Moreover, rhetorical questions are the one of the main elements in the two texts. Albee and Gray both use rhetorical questions to express their theme or feelings, and also to make the readers think, make their points clearer and strengthen their arguments. Referring to their differences, in the first instance, the type of text they wrote is different. "Who's afraid of Virginia Woolf" is in the form of dialogue (as it's a play) while "How to avoid arguments" is an extract from a book. Also, their tone is different, as the type of language they used is different. Albee uses informal and conversational language while Gray uses formal and academic language. In addition, Albee is as a first person to write the text whereas Gray is as a third person when writing the text. In my opinion, I agree that the inability to communicate is a main reason of why arguments are started. I also agree that women not being direct or women being more violent than men cause arguments to start. However, I don't think it's the only reason for arguments to start so it is not just women's responsibility to avoid arguments. "Who's afraid of Virginia Woolf" by Edward Albee
"How to avoid arguments" from the book "Men are form Mars, women are from Venus" by John Gray
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