Thursday, February 13, 2020

A Mouth Full

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Throughout my life I have always been somewhat over ambitious. Wanting to save the world in one day always seemed to be on my agenda. When I was younger a lot of what I set off to conquer or fix got completed and this just seems to feed my ambition. However, when I got older factors like money and time came into play and completing many of my goals became stressful and wouldn't comply with my work schedule. I began to bit off more then I could chew.


My picture perfect example of this would be me right now. One of my goals in life is to get my PhD in World History by the time I'm twenty-six. Now this I'm sure is possible if I would just go to school full time but I have to pay for all my school so working is inevitable. This is where my predicament begins; I work in what I like to call "Hell on Earth" which is really a movie theater that only pays me $5.40 an hour. Now on 5.40 I expected to pay for school, rent, and other expenditures I have. So you can imagine I have to work a lot of hours just to get the bare minimum to pay for all of this. So if I want to keep with my schedule of getting my PhD by the time I'm twenty-six; I have to take a lot of courses at one time and at the same time work a lot to pay for those courses I'm taking. So here I am signed up for summer I, II, and III in total taking 1 hours in just two months. Now anyone that has taking summer courses knows that everything is at a fast pace, meaning a lot of work needs to be done at one time. This means for me that its a struggle to keep up with all the work at once, and at the same time go to work not to mention find time to sleep. Out of all my classes the one class that I am doing a half ass job in happens to be my worst subject English. I guess in my subconscious I know that English is the subject that I do worst in, so naturally I don't put that much effort into it. Because of this my teacher is most likely thinking that I am some kind of lazy ass that doesnt put any effort into school and is just here because I have to be. But it's not true, I want to be here and "better my self"(really not in a sarcastic tone) Im just finding out that my one really noble attribute is the one that is currently crippling me. So here I am; having to write this paper a process paper to be exact and the only process that I could think about writing was the one thing that is currently happening to me at the moment.


You see when someone is driven by ambition reality can often become oblivious. For instance, in my live I though I could take 1 hours and would not even faze me. The reality part that I so effortlessly forgotten was that I would have to work even more at the same time. Resulting in me almost having a nervous break down because I can't seem to keep it altogether. Basically my ambition is getting a harsh dose of reality. The moral of the story though ambition is a good quality to contain; when it blinds you from reality it becomes like a catalyst of obstacles in your way of getting what you desire.


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